Sunday, 29 March 2009

Close Encounters!

So there's this guy.

Or maybe there isn't this guy. Or maybe he's a bit more than a guy. Or... I dunno.

OK, first thing's first - me and Emerson are through. He ditched me at Cherry Hill Mall, just cos I said he would look cute in this one sweater we saw. Emerson's the kind of guy who would look cute in anything - I was basically paying him a compliment! But no, he tells me that blah blah blah, I'm too controlling, I'm too this, I'm too that... Then he tells me I'm not his mannequin (or something?) and storms off. This was in front of everyone, by the way. Not that it made much difference in the end cos of the thing that happened next. And what was that, you ask? To which I reply - DON'T YOU WATCH THE NEWS??

Yeah, so I pretty much had a close encounter at the mall. And when I say close encounter... I mean I kissed a phenomenally large spaceman on the lips. Yeah, I bounce back fast. No, I'm playing this down, but there was something... I dunno. It was like I couldn't help myself. And there was this giant guy, like a mutant bull on steroids, all looming over us and shouting about how he was gonna rip our heads off or something... Then up gets my guy (his name's Barock. Yeah, I know - like the POTUS. I'm pretty sure it's just a coincidence though...) and just wails on him. BAM! Broken glass and shattered masonry and smoke and dust and holy cow. Then our big, evil friend (Minog - not sure if that's his first name or his last) ups and, well... teleports outta there, I guess.

Pretty wild, huh? Then before I know it, the cops have opened fire on me and Barock and his too-beautiful-to-live best friend (Helius?) and we're floating up into the sky and then we're outside and I give Barock my card and ask if he wants to come to a party and then he touches my face and then... CHOOM, he takes off into the sky like goddamn Superman.

I know.

So then I spend like three hours with the police and I can't tell them anything (because what do I know from broad-shouldered, blond space-cops?) and so they let me go and if I remember anything else I shouldn't hesitate to call. Officer, I had sex with that man and then we had terrifyingly powerful space babies and eventually I became Queen of the Universe. And you're all fired.

Back at work today. In a normal, rational world, I'd expect Jane or Clifford or someone to ask me to write this thing up. But I know that's out of the question. Anyway - and call me shallow - I've got a killer idea for a fashion feature. I'm pretty sure Jane isn't going to go for it - her job description is essentially "make Zoe feel like crap" - but you gotta give it a shot, right?

Anyway, phew. It's late, and I think I need a long bath and some downtime. Maybe a bottle or two of downtime. See you in the funny pages!

Sunday, 15 February 2009

The Last Supper!

So, I had MA and PA over for supper last night and it went... well? They seem to like Emerson okay (and he was on his best behaviour - by which I mean he wore shoes), though Dad did his usual thing of having just one drink too many and kind of dozing off over the guacamole. And Mom pulled me off into the kitchen at one point to give me THE TALK. Is it serious? Can he take care of you? Has he proposed? Mom, we've been seeing each other for a few months. I mean, yes it's serious, but... Proposed? There isn't a war on* - we don't have to get married tomorrow.


So, they took themselves off at around eleven, and Emerson made a beeline for the computer. Letting of steam, I guess. Meanwhile, I kind of slunk off to my room and watched The Slipper and the Rose on DVD. Nothing like a bit of cheesy, 70s fairytale action to snap you out of yourself. And is it wrong to have kind of a crush on Richard Chamberlaine? Actually, don't answer that.

Of course, when I'm in this kind of mood, there's only one thing that can really cheer me up.

Tomorrow, we're going to the mall.

*yes, I know there is a war on. But Emerson isn't a soldier. In fact, I don't think he has an aggressive bone in his body. Which is good! Soldier boys - yuck.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

A legend in my own lunchtime!

So today was a big day. Jane was out of the office most of the time (she was running around after Delia. Yes, *that* Delia. I guess Jane is to Delia what I am to her - eg. a dogsbody. Anyway - rambling), so that meant I got to sit in the grown-ups' chair. That's a metaphor by the way - I'm never, ever allowed to go into Jane's office (seriously, that's like one of the unwritten laws at the Record. Emerson thinks it's because she keeps a vat of virgins' blood in there. She's crazy and maybe a little evil - but I don't think she's actually a vampire. Anyway, Emerson was only half paying attention when he said this - he was on the net, looking up UFO stuff. He found this thing about... I don't know. Weird lights in the sky over Jersey? Intelligent life from outer space is coming to Cherry Hill - um, I doubt it. If Emerson’s in a good mood, I sometimes get to call him a nerd. He wasn't in a very good mood tonight).

Anyway, I got to field a lot of Jane's calls, answer some of her emails and generally feel like (as she'd put it) a "major cog" in the "machine of modern journalism". And it was cool! I think I managed to get an interview lined with up with A!Vast, who are this kind of progressive-emo outfit with a kind of pirate-y thing going on and their own range of nautical wear. The lead singer insisted on talking to me like he was Johnny Depp. Two years ago that would have been cool. Now? Um, not so much.

Then Jane came back, just kind of looked at what I had done, and when the BIG BOSS came in, kind of took credit for it. I mean, I'm not complaining. I'm lucky just to work there. But sometimes it would be nice just to get a teeny, tiny bit of recognition.

A girl can dream, right?

Posted by Zoe